


Notes From the Heart

by StarTravel



Series: Defiance Through Tenderness [8]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, POV Elim Garak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 06:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16781863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTravel/pseuds/StarTravel
Summary: Julian’s taken up a new hobby, while Garak worries about the continued negative effects of the war on Julian.





	Notes From the Heart

Garak has taken to stopping by the infirmary around lunch, sometimes to steal Julian away for some much needed rest, other times to bait him into sparring about literature. but when he walks into the office today, Garak can’t quite hide the way his eyes widen in surprise, one ridge shifting up as he watches slender fingers fled across a keyboard. There is a melancholic edge to the music, an ephemeral quality that is as beautiful as it is haunting. “I didn’t know you played.”

“I didn’t a week ago.” Julian answers with a quick roll of his shoulders, a few more notes sliding out from the keys before Julian pulls his hands away entirely, song coming to and up abruptly. Julian turns around and gives him a weak smile, one hand wrapping around his other wrist as though to still the nervous shake that’s taken occupancy there. 

“Finally putting that genetically enhanced brain to good use?” Garak calls out lightly, smile full of mirth even as his gaze twinkles with curiosity. He knows there’s a part of Julian that wants to explore the full extent of his capabilities, to learn and perfect every skill he can, to free himself of the limitations the Federation has held him under for far too long. But there’s another part of Julian that’s desperately afraid of himself, afraid of his own arrogance and of the knowledge he could possess if he just let go.

Garak wonders, what the Julian never taught to fear his own mind, to think of himself as less, would be like. Sometimes Garak thinks he wouldn’t care for that man. Other times he is sure that he would love him. 

Julian smirks in an empty way, long eyelashes flickering down as he gives the keyboard a look so tender that Garak has to remind himself not to be jealous of a keyboard. Julian leans forward towards him, ducking his head so their at eye level. “I wouldn’t exactly call this good, but it passes the time between attacks and injuries.”

“Hopefully you’re playing something more uplifting than that Sassoon or Owens of yours?” Garak asks even though he already knows the answer, could hear it in every note of the song Julian played. The music somehow still hangs in the air between them, soft and haunting and imbuing Julian with a sense of being missing even though he’s right there in front of Garak. 

“I’m afraid you’d be disappointed then, Elim.” Julian grins in a way that reminds Elim of something (someone) he’s broken, gaze cool and knowing. But no, not cool. The opposite in fact, so burning with emotion they’re starting to become petrified. “But you’d already guessed that, hadn’t you?” 

Garak swallows back a million biting comments alongside the urge to send Julian off in a runabout to earth. These mood swings between his old enthusiasm and endless optimism and this new, lingering depression shaded with cynicism can’t be healthy. Garak supposes Julian knows that better than anyone though. Garak reaches a hand out, patting him on the shoulder and letting just a hint of his own expaseration shine through. “Julian, this insistence of yours on making yourself  _ more _ desolate amazes me.” 

“No it doesn’t. People do it all the time in those Cardassian epics you insist are so delightful.” Julian reminds him as he pushes his hand aside, gaze shooting past him to the infirmary behind him. From what the nurses told him, Julian has only used up four minutes of his twenty minute break. Garak doubts he’ll use up anymore unless he keeps him here. 

So Garak makes a tsking sound with the tip of his mouth, his forked tongue giving it a slight hiss he knows Julian secretly finds delightful. There’s no fond sigh this time though, no exasperated laugh followed by a winsome smile. Instead Julian grimaces and shakes his head, a few messy curls falling across his forehead. Garak takes his arm again, trying to make an expression of teasing disapproval, to keep something from before. “They sacrifice themselves and their happiness for Cardassia.”

“Is the sacrifice of my soul for the Federation different somehow?” Julian’s laughing but there’s no joy in it. It’s a desperate, keening sound slipping from his lips and reverberating across the room in an almost sickening way. 

For once Garak doesn’t have an answer. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you think this needs to be tagged with anything else.


End file.
